To be perfectly honest, I’ve blogged on and off for the last four years. I said one year I was going to do a daily blog. That failed after about two weeks.
Other times I’ve said via social media mostly that I was going to consistently write a blog every Sunday and publish it every Monday. That lasted for about two months.
I’ve gone back and forth over the past year as to should I even have a website anymore. At one low point I actually gave away my own name, marcbusko.com to anyone who wanted to purchase the name. Thankfully there are no other Marc Busko’s in the world, that I know of and I re-purchased my own name.
I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out what the heck has been going on in my life. Last year at this time I was traveling the country with the Extreme Entrepreneurship Tour, and also doing my own speaking to youth audiences. Life was incredible. I couldn’t explain why I was blessed with the opportunities that I came across, but they just happened.
I had the opportunity to meet many people I wouldn’t normally get to meet. I got to attend events that I normally wouldn’t be able to attend. It was incredible.
And then something changed. I started to realize that my motivation for doing what I had done for so long was rooted in fear, rooted in wanting to identify myself with the actions, and things I was doing each day.
I took to social media almost daily to shout at my followers and essentially say, “LOOK AT ME!” “LOOK AT ALL THE COOL STUFF I’M DOING, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
I started to realize that I had lost my love for using my God-given talents to positively affect high school students. My passion for impacting youth started to fad. The money I made increased, the money I charged for a speech increased, but I was left with this empty spot in my heart and started to wonder if I forgot who I truly was.
I think it was an incredible learning lesson, and I think God was explicitly speaking to me in those dark, dark moments. I will take that lesson with me for the rest of my life. I learned that more money does not make you happy. More airline miles does not make you happy, an office space with your name on it, doesn’t make you happy. Your “success” in life has to be something YOU define, not your friends, or the world, our your mentors. It has to be your’s. I finally decided on my definition of success, and I couldn’t be more happy.
This past year has been one of many highs, but even more lows. Many of you know that I struggle greatly with depression, and bi-polar. Something that I was diagnosed with when I was 18, and has since gotten much worse, and very scary at times.
Over the past year, I’ve written much, but published nothing. I was really afraid of what my close friends and parents would think about me. I was afraid that they would judge me, and wouldn’t see me as this crazy, hyper, successful young entrepreneur. But now, I realize my friends just truly wanted to be with me, not the me that speaks to high school students, or the me that runs a business. Just Marc. Just me. And to be honest most of friends don’t even care about my business. They want to know how I’m doing, and how life is. That’s the sign of some pretty awesome friends right there. I think they know who they are.
So here I go, I’m going to write, and publish whats on my mind. I can’t say the posts are always going to be great, they might be sad, they might be super exciting. I really don’t know. Every day is a different for me, and I’m starting to really enjoy that.
Some days I wake up and I feel like running, so I head out the door and run. Other days I don’t feel great, and just spend some extra time in my warm bed. Every day for me is a new adventure as I journey through continuing to learn more about bi-polar and how I can best manage my feelings, and thoughts.
Who knows, maybe after I write this post, I won’t publish something again for months. Maybe today was just a lucky day, but I would say its a pretty darn good day then. This is the first time I’ve published a post in almost a year.
I don’t expect you to read all this crazy stuff that came floating out of my head, but if you did, I hope you discovered something about yourself.
Do you struggle with the above topics that I described? I find the more people I am vulnerable with, the more things like the above text comes out.